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 Post subject: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 5:29 pm 
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I know that the idea of burning books is repugnant, if only because we associate the idea of literature being destroyed with totalitarianism. However, there are some books so bad that they deserve to be reduced to ash.

In a different thread I confessed to my dirty little secret - I had read the Da Vinci code. How anyone could see any merit in that pile of dung is beyond me. Two dimensional characters, a stupid plot, and "surprises" that are semaphored in advance are the better things about it. It grieves me that so many good authors have difficulty making a living when Dan Brown is a multimillionaire.

So, The Da Vinci code is certainly one that I would confine to the flames. It goes without saying (so I'm saying it) that Celeb "autobiographies" should also go on the pyre (not "The Moon's a Balloon of course, that was wonderful, but David Niven really was a star), but that is too easy and I don't want this thread to be lazy.

I would also nominate "Parade's End" by Ford Maddox Ford. I was urged to read this by a friend, who thought it wonderful. No it isn't. It is overlong, dreary, uninteresting and full of people that you would go a mile out of your way to avoid. I struggled to the end, determined that I would finish it, but I regret that I didn't give up and read something worthwhile. I will never get that time back. It was recently televised, and whilst I only saw one and a half episodes, I was glad to see that the adaptation showed the vacuous twerps who populate this tome for the irritating nonentities that they appear in the book.

I am holding open the furnace doors, and invite you all to send in the books that really should never have got through the publishers letterbox, never mind onto the printing press.


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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:15 pm 
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Yep Da Vinci code for me too!

Quickly followed by Wuthering heights.

I am from Bronte country and I love classical literature, my desert Island book would be Jane Eyre but WHAT was Emily B on when she wrote Wuthering Heights!!!

rapidly followed by Shirley Conran Savages (I did not buy this one honest!!!! :lol: )

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:23 pm 
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IF a book doesn't grip me (metaphorically speaking of course! 8-| ) within the first chapter, I wouldn't carry on, so not sure if I've ever read a rubbish book all the way through - it would do my head in! 8-}

But to help keep the fire burning - I'd donate any Mills and Boon that may be lying around (but not in my house!) :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:26 pm 
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How about the bible all it's rivals and any religious propaganda?

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:31 pm 
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Uh oh! x_x

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:40 pm 
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Alfsmate wrote:
How about the bible all it's rivals and any religious propaganda?


The perfect illustration as to why book-burning is a bad idea. Claiming the right to determine what people should and should not be allowed to read is potentially a very murky subject.

For every religious fundamentalist who gets fired up by passages in their chosen texts there are a dozen "little old ladies" for whom other passages provide comfort and reassurance.

For everyone who dislikes Dan Brown or Mills and Boon, there's a dozen who enjoy their easy-reading page-turning nature and who don't need some condescending decree as to what they should and should not be allowed to enjoy as entertainment.

Personally I can think of any number of publications, be they books, newspapers, TV and radio programmes (and stations) I'd happily live without, and without which I personally would expect the world to be a better place (and I don't just mean the Daily Mail!). But I'm not going to go there - it's too dangerous, and what starts as a light-hearted conversation can end up in a pretty dark place.

Over to you, Adolf... :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:02 pm 
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Blimey Andrew!!

Surely it was just intended as a bit of light-hearted literature banter. (a sort of virtual furnace)

:lol:

I think you've killed the thread.

Having not read all religious propaganda I couldn't possibly comment on that part. But I applaud Alfsmate for seemingly doing so.

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:20 pm 
Very boring reply - out of date manuals.

And Fahrenheit 451 - much over-rated.


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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:50 pm 
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Fahrenheit 451 - burning a book about burning books. That's the spirit!

Andrew, please take this in the spirit in which it is intended. Scooby, you hit the nail on the head. I'm interested in how people react to books. People get comfort from all sorts of things, be they Dan Brown's oevres, Barry Manilow, Jack Vettriano's pictures or the speeches of Ian Paisley. It doesn't mean that they are necessarily good or bad (although the Da Vinci code is definately bad), but I am interested to hear what it is in literature that people really think stinks. And we then might have some other people defending them, which would make for a really interesting topic.


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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:58 pm 
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scooby wrote:
Blimey Andrew!!

Surely it was just intended as a bit of light-hearted literature banter. (a sort of virtual furnace)

:lol:

I think you've killed the thread.

Having not read all religious propaganda I couldn't possibly comment on that part. But I applaud Alfsmate for seemingly doing so.


Leave him alone Scooby, he might just join the real world one day and get a sense of humour, although I think that is highly unlikely. :D :D

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:05 pm 
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Alfsmate wrote:
scooby wrote:
Blimey Andrew!!

Surely it was just intended as a bit of light-hearted literature banter. (a sort of virtual furnace)

:lol:

I think you've killed the thread.

Having not read all religious propaganda I couldn't possibly comment on that part. But I applaud Alfsmate for seemingly doing so.


Leave him alone Scooby, he might just join the real world one day and get a sense of humour, although I think that is highly unlikely. :D :D


Mmmm - why a personal attack? Maybe you should ponder on that.

Smiley's don't make it right :-q


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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:19 pm 
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DaveW wrote:
Alfsmate wrote:
scooby wrote:
Blimey Andrew!!

Surely it was just intended as a bit of light-hearted literature banter. (a sort of virtual furnace)

:lol:

I think you've killed the thread.

Having not read all religious propaganda I couldn't possibly comment on that part. But I applaud Alfsmate for seemingly doing so.


Leave him alone Scooby, he might just join the real world one day and get a sense of humour, although I think that is highly unlikely. :D :D


Mmmm - why a personal attack? Maybe you should ponder on that.

Smiley's don't make it right :-q


Not a personal attack at all, just an observation. :)) :))

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 11:17 pm 
The green book,













The one that Heslop read,















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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 7:25 am 
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One person's jokey book-burning thread is another person's cultural fascism, prejudice or snobbery. Sorry to be such a boring old fart on behalf of the Dan Brown Appreciation Society... ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 7:55 am 
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50 Shades and both the followups :p


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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 9:34 am 
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I agree with Andrew on this. Better to have asked "Books you wouldn't allow in your house". And yes, Dan Brown's are amongst them.


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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 9:44 am 
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ErnieY wrote:
50 Shades and both the followups :p
"Rolls her eyes and bites her bottom lip".................... 8-| (couldn't find a biting bottom lip smiley. :lol: )

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 10:51 am 
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Almost any autobiography.

I do like biographies though, of people who interest me.

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 5:16 pm 
Well ... I have to admit to having a Dan Brown in the house. Once I'd passed the 'Cabane Magique' and Noddy books stage, I wanted something to read in French that was relatively simple, and that hopefully dragged me along. Dan Brown is good for that - repetitive words, and a fairly basic vocabulary.

I'm constantly trying to improve my French, and reading is one way to somewhat painlessly increase my vocab. But it is hard to find books written in the sort of language where I am not continually stopping to look up words.


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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 5:51 pm 
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AndrewRose wrote:
One person's jokey book-burning thread is another person's cultural fascism, prejudice or snobbery. Sorry to be such a boring old fart on behalf of the Dan Brown Appreciation Society... ;)

I don't get this. Why should books be treated any differently to other subjects? Is it cultural fascism, snobbery or prejudice to have strong negative opinions about other arts - for example, the works of Tracy Emin or to believe that Equivalent VIII really was just a ludicrously expensive pile of bricks. How about cuisine - is it snobbish to prefer fois gras to baked beans (or invertedly snobbish to prefer the other way round)? Or how about wine? Am I a cultural fascist for going to a good wine merchants, rather than taking home a bottle of Hirondelle to go with my pork scratchings? And what about music? When Beecham was asked if he had conducted any Stockhausen, he replied "No, but I once stood in some." What a cultural fascist! Should we all take time to appreciate, for example, the works of the late Whitney Houston, and condemn those who think her a foghorn, a corporate American music product we were bludgeoned into hearing, with a string of utterly crap songs, usually delivered with the grace and subtlety of a rhino? If there is a difference, please explain it.

What this thread is is a different way of exploring people's views of literature. I thought that it might be interesting to hear which books people really dislike, and think devoid of merit, and why. What would then really be interesting would be if others wanted to defend those books. In order to do this, I used the metaphor of the furnace. However, if you think this metaphor simply can't be allowed near even the worst literary schlock, then perhaps it is not me that is the snob.


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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 6:00 pm 
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Seems fine to me to post such a thread. End of the day it's an internet based 'discussion' and has proved to be interesting thus far.

Anyway-who's 'Dan Brown'?? :YMCOWBOY:

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:32 pm 
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How about books that should be kept handy in the loft or the garden shed then?? ;)
Me? I'd say anything by Terry Pratchett or Tolkien.. both unreadable as far as I'm concerned. And these are 2 authors whose books I couldn't start* - let alone finish. :(
Another candidate is F Scott Fitzgerald - I ground my way through several of his novels out of a sense of duty but they left zero impression on me and frankly were a waste of time => shed!

* Max 10 pages and that's probably an exaggeration.

Remember Godwin's Law. :D

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 4:34 pm 
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I'm like Bayleaf and Piperade - we have a healthy selection of awful best-smellers that should never have left the publisher's warehouse, all pristine save for the snort mark on Page 1. The Devilish Prada (or whatever it's called), At-Swim-Two-Birds by fellow leprecaun and daft cousin, The Downing Street Years by You-Know-Hoo, etc. Rather than put them on the furnace, I'm looking for a likely donation victim. The local Troisième Age DIY English Class, perhaps...

Stockhausen? Jaysus, don't! I suffered an overdose of that genius in September.

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 4:48 pm 
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Better than burning rubbish books, give them to Phoenix Rescue (or any other book sale in France), someone else will probably buy them... start reading... stop .....and put them back in the Phoenix box for next time round :lol:

When I was a young lass at Uni the literature mob i.e. 80% of our (officially ;) ) all-female corridor decided that we scientific/practical philistines should be eddicated, and dragged us off to see Death in Venice. We were bored (-| from start to finish, and none of us could make head nor tail of it :-?? yet 'they' discussed it for hours....
Another week, another arty film and we said 'yes, we'll go but only if you pay for the tickets, popcorn, and beers and a chinky afterwards'. Funny, we didn't have to go....

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 5:11 pm 
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Have to say I agree with you there Liz about Death in Venice.
A storyline that could be summed up in a single sentence condensed into a 130 min film. Dirk doing his thing.. all very tragic, beautiful and decadent but what a waste of an evening.. :(
That has probably got me marked down as a cultural philistine but I'm past caring.. :)

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 5:41 pm 
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Slightly digressing (hell, everyone else does it!! :- ), talking about shows you didn't enjoy...When at college studying Theatre Studies, us "actorish and arrogant" lot (as quoted by the art teacher) visited many cities and theatres. The one that sticks in my mind as the worst was "Noh Theatre" - a chinese production. No words throughout, just strange whining and howling noises, accompanied by us lot in the audience trying to stifle hysteric laughter and it turning into strange snorting sounds. Goodness - I can still remember the pain!! :ymblushing:

I know, we're soooooo uneducated! 8-| Much preferred Ibsen, or Shakespeare anyday!! ;)

Anyhoo - back to books :D

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 6:13 pm 
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For your information:

This book is being turned into bog roll.


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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 6:41 pm 
Bayleaf wrote:
The one that sticks in my mind as the worst was "Noh Theatre" - a chinese production. No words throughout, just strange whining and howling noises,



Japanese it seems. Enjoy :lol: .



Some thing that is even slower than Morse! There is one play that is about the Emporer's Mask, four hours of it !

London telephone directory, the S - Z one.
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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 6:59 pm 
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Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! x_x %-(

That's the one!! Same people I reckon!! :lol: (I'm sure I could hear some sniggering in the audience!! ;)) =

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 7:15 pm 
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I have to confess to being a fan of Death in Venice. I also liked "Felix Krull, confidence man" and "Royal Highness" although there is not much to the latter. I also liked the Dirk Bogart film, although I was about 18 when I saw it, and perhaps I would feel differently now.


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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 7:52 am 
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It's a good job we're all different, makes life more interesting (but not if I ever have to see DiV again)

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 7:54 am 
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What about that overated and overhyped writer Shakespeare? If any books should be banned from the house (troubled by book burning) these should be :)


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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 10:14 am 
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Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh-anything before Beckett, bin it and burn it. Make sure Nell and Nagg are out first. =)) =))

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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 11:01 am 
All the new Noddy books. Well, there's one I think but others have been tampered with.


Give Mr Golly his garage back.


Total tosh all this PC business. Plus it's Enid Blytons Granddaughter who seems to be at the bottom of it, say's the Daily Telegraph.


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 Post subject: Re: Books that should be destroyed
PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 12:06 pm 
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ErnieY wrote:
50 Shades and both the followups :p


I rather enjoyed this follow-up:

We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall...
But in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

She stood before me, trembling in my shed. "I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me."
So I took her to Nando's.

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.
I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.

"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly.
"Mmmm, kinky!" she purred.
"Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."

"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished."
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!"
"Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"

I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
"I think so," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.

"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
"Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."

"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks." She nodded.
"Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.

"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!"
"Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD.


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